Howdy folks,
it's been a few weeks since i launched the Life Design Check-In Quiz - i'm chuffed that there's been over 20 responses & the feedback i've gotten has been overall positive.
what's been interesting is that most people are scoring between 40-60% which I think shows that most people are pretty okay about life. it was less common to find people scoring very high or very low likewise.
i think this should be encouraging for people as it is a great insight to know that either
- if we aren't that happy we can see that not all areas of our life is bad. we can see the good areas and can draw inspiration from that.
- if we are mostly happy it's a good chance to reflect on this realisation while also getting to see the areas where we could focus on
but anyways, what happened next though was questions around 'that was helpful' but now what?
this is something i've been trying to wrap my head around and that's what i'd like to go over a bit this week.
the 1st step to designing a life that you love to live is first getting Clear
and specifically let's start getting clear on the things that believe about ourselves and the lives we live.
the following is some of my unedited thoughts on beliefs & the 5 ways you can help yourself create more helpful beliefs
let's start shall we?
5 Practical ways to create healthier beliefs & mindsets
I feel like the foundation to anything in life is our attitudes towards it
If we believe life sucks then chances are life will feel pretty sucky
Likewise if we believe life is pretty great chances are life will feel pretty great
This is oversimplified to the extreme - i know
But I believe the core idea is true
What you believe to be true is what is true
No this isn’t some weird woo-woo idea that if you just say everything is the best and amazing then everything in your life will be the best and amazing
That’s not true either and can be just ignorance.
So what am I talking about and how can you apply some new ideas and beliefs into your own life that will help you feel better
We all know that life isn’t binary. It’s not black or white. Yes and no.
Life has so many twists, turns, ups & downs and it is filled with colour.
But it is our thoughts, ideas, words and beliefs that decide on what we see when we look out in the world.
A bad belief is like selective colour blindness.
You look at your life and your world and all you see is dark, bland, unappealing colours.
You feel that the world is like that so all you see when you look around is those colours.
But the reality is there are so much more colours out there that you just aren’t paying attention too
The idea that I’d like to share is to choose to see the better colours in life and just by doing that, you will start to go down a path that feels happier & more joyful.
This isn’t to suggest that everything will be perfect just because you look at things from a rose-tinted pair of glasses.
No, but if you have a default option. The default should be the one that is you naturally wanting to see the food in your life vs trying to see the negatives
So the question is how do we get real practical and actionable advice on how to grow this type of attitude
1. Thoughts
let’s get this out of the way 1st. You cannot think your way out of a negative thought and there is no amount of wishful thinking that will make you feel better - long-term and sustainably.
accepting that your thoughts are like clouds in the sky floating by. we love it when the little fluffy ones come by but hate when it’s one of the dark stormy ones.
the idea is that we can’t choose the clouds that drift on by. but we can learn to see, accept and let them drift on.
the easiest way to deal with these is to find a way to create distance from the clouds.
this is the difference between a belief that
it’s dark, cloudy, stormy and raining. my life is always hard, hard, tough and painful.
just being able to take a step back gives you a little emotional and brain-breather.
you can notice that it’s not always dark, there might even be days when the little clouds pass by too.
we are not our thoughts.
to help build this space you just have to notice and detach/create a bit of space
through meditation, journaling, writing, talking, being in silence. these all scientific benefits to them.
2. Words we say
If we accept that we cannot control our thoughts we can start to look at things we can control
The first up is the words we say and tell ourselves and others.
the words we choose have a direct impact on the thoughts that appear in our head and the feelings that come up to
the idea that we have a choice with what words we use every day
the choice then is if we will use words that help us or will make life more difficult
this isn’t about being fake. this is about mindfully directing our words to a place where it is more helpful for us in the bigger picture
this isn’t standing in front of the mirror and saying that I am the most amazing human being in the entire universe (not that you can’t say this)
but if you aren’t at all feeling this it might not be that helpful for you as you are unable to connect to a feeling inside.
this is more of words that you can grab a hold of and believe in straight away
so instead of saying ‘I hate the work I do every day. I’m tired, exhausted and unhappy.’
you frame it in ways that you can believe in ‘I’m actively looking at ways in which I can love my work every day. I taking steps to feel more energised and happy every day’
both of these statements can be true.
one is a reflection on all the things you see as problems the other is a reflection on the things you are doing that feel positive.
this isn’t just the words you use to yourself
it’s the words you say to other people as well
if we can’t control our thoughts, we can control our words.
3. Do Actions
Just like the words we use the actions we take can have the same positive or negative effect in our life
You can have unhappy thoughts about your feelings towards work
You can then choose to see and say more positive words around work
Next up are the actions you take that reinforce your words you use is the actions you take that goes alongside them
We all want to feel and believe that we are people that are true to what we say, think and do.
If we think bad thoughts, and say bad words about ourselves, we’ll likely take actions that reinforce this idea about ourselves.
likewise if we create distance from our thoughts, choose words that frame life in a better way and then take actions that align with the words we say
We are more likely to enforce a positive cycle
Actions are just positive steps that line up to a better idea you want to create
Let’s choose work
- Thoughts: I hate work
- Words: I’m actively working on loving my work
- Action: I spend 10min each day doing some that I find fun, enjoyable with work
4. People
Find and surround yourself with people who have the thing that you want to create.
this is the easiest way you can start to impact your thoughts, words and feelings
If you surround yourself with people who
Hate their jobs, talk about how much their work sucks, and keep giving examples of how their day proved that idea to be true
Chances are you will think, say, feel and see the actions that feel like this too
But the opposite is also true
Find people who love their work, talk about how much they love what they do every day and find examples of how this is true
Chances are you will start to have similar thoughts, say similar ideas and see similar actions in your day too
Who you surround yourself with and what you consume plays a massive part in the thoughts, words and actions that you choose in a day
Ideas in how to surround yourself with people
- meet new people offline or online with the ideas you want
- consume from people who already have the thing you’d like. Books, audiobooks, podcasts, videos, interviews
- end or limit exposure to the negative influences.
- real world example - stop or limit news exposure. curate your social media by unfollowing accounts or blocking/stop interacting with media that is against what you want to believe.
- the algorithm shows you what you spend most of your attention on. Mindfully take time to train the algorithm to not show you those things.
5. Practice
let’s all get a little bit real here. no one is perfect.
no one has 0 bad thoughts, says 0 negative things and takes 100% all the best actions for themselves.
let’s not give ourselves ridiculous unrealistic expectations.
we’re going to have unhelpful thoughts, we’ll say things which aren’t great and do things which aren’t great either
but the idea here is that it’s up to us to mindfully choose to practice a way that helps us live happier, joyful and more fulfilling lives.
we’ll mess up for sure. There will be good and bad days.
But we can always come back to the simple intention of choosing beliefs, mindsets, ideas, and words that lift us up rather than throw us down.
So if you want to design a life you love living
you first got to get clear on the world you see and create every day
Think, Say, Do, People, Practice
i hope there was an idea in there that you found useful or a thought you'd like to explore a bit more on
but as always, thank you for reading if you’ve got this far.
i’ll chat to you next week
stay awesome
Matt
🫶
let me share some dope things that have been happening the past week
1. Feel Good Productivity: my first thoughts
Feel Good Productivity by Ali Abdaal
Why it's going to help people live better lives.
have you ever thought about prioritising feeling good? like asked yourself the question 'what could i do to make this fun?'.
i've just started listening to Feel-Good Productivity on Audible.
i'm only a few chapters in but i got so excited by the book that i had to share my 1st thoughts and impressions
my biggest takeaway so far is that it is so refreshing to hear thoughts & ideas that feel more aligned to what i believe in
that life & work doesn't have to feel crappy - in fact it can feel pretty good
what's better than that is that you can feel good while still being highly - productive, successful & getting the most out of life
this is an idea that i've believed in for a while but it felt more of a personal pursuit than anything else.
society prefers to talk about hustle, grind & working to long hours but that has never been something i wanted to sign up for
i was always interested in trying to find a way to get stuff done but not burn out along the way. this has lead me to automation, outsourcing, using software & now AI.
this attitude wasn't very mainstream though. but now with this new book from Ali i hope more people will start to see the benefits to prioritising feeling good in life & work.
this book has all the evidence, research, studies & resources that back up the idea too.
i think it's super exciting to know that you can feel good about life as well as be highly successful - in fact, the book even suggests it might be correlated.
i'm still on the 1st few chapters so i'll share more ideas as they come up.
(check out the thoughts on the carousel over on LinkedIn link below)
Matt Lok
and that is it for this weeks newsletter folks
wishing you a great week ahead as always
let's chat soon
Matt
🫶
Stay awesome ❤️
P.s i'll be adding more photos & videos on my newsletters & social media from now on. it's been super cool to share more behind the scenes of this nomad lifestyle that i've been living the past 7 years. i was never that comfortable with photos & didn't think it would be that interesting but seems like people like seeing my big smilely face across the web so hope it brings some good vibes & smiles to you in future.